scratching post quarterpipe?......yep

that just happened

**AND WITHIN ONE HOUR THE SCRATCHING POST WAS BROKEN**

Holly Throsby - Here is my co pilot - music video

Waking up to this today.

Thanks Triple J radio

Kind of like an ending but more like a beginning

And even though you're losing

then you're winning

If you say oh

Remember this forever

All that matters is a song

Singing I will be with you

Everywhere you go

Every little thing you do

Our love is here to stay

Even when the skies are gray

Even when I'm away

I'll be with you.

Now you're so much older

so mature and insecure

You've grown out of yourself and into something else

Oh you crazy rebel tell me is this what you want to be

Would it kill you to be shameless?

If you say oh

Just scream this in defiance from the bottom of your lungs

What ever happened to the rock in roll in your eyes?

Oh I know its somewhere in you underneath the veil of lies

Oh why do you hide them, your rock and roll eyes?

They're crazy

Eardrums are like elephants, they don't forget the things they hear

And veins still carry fragments of the things fed to your ear

Let me do the honours and welcome you back to mankind

Just turn on the stereo and unwind

It goes

I will always love you.

And as for taking it in stride.

the urge is back

the alarm is signaling

"Skiers make the best lovers because they don't sit in front of a television like couch potatoes. They take a risk and they wiggle their behinds. They also meet new people on the ski lift."

thanks dr ruth

and i turned the corner tonight

passed through the intersection

then realized

that the house would be empty when i arrived

....blahhh

I ain't forty, I like your stories
Keep them coming cause It's kind a boring
It ain't coming you have to find it
'Cause all of a sudden you got grounded
You didn't care, you just stared
At the sign that said all beware,
In and Out and said Oi, Tik, Tok,
I'm glad you got away of me
Let the dying shorten this Rythmmmm
Let's Go Where the shores are green
Let's Go Where the Music's loud
Let's Go Cause this ain't no problems, fuck this, fucking tragedy

blahhhh....

i dont care about getting laid

i just want to get loved

Look, I can appreciate this.

I was young too, I felt just like you. Hated authority, hated all my bosses, thought they were full of shit.

Look, it's like they say, if you're not a rebel by the age of 20, you got no heart,

but

if you haven't turned establishment by 30, you've got no brains.

Because there are no story-book romances, no fairy-tale endings.

So before you run out and change the world, ask yourself,

"What do you really want?"

decade

Ten(10!) years of this lifestyle.

And no plans to quit anytime soon.

For the first time, little responsibility this season

meaning more time on the snow

No easy road though.

I want to work for it.

Meaning more hiking.

MORE creativity.

MORE shoveling.

MORE appreciation.

and then sadness sets in again.

and its difficult to leave this room.

"I just don't want to look back and wonder what could have been, you know?"

and yet everyday I wonder "what if"

the easiest way to lose something

is to want it too badly

" I guess, in the end, things seldom work out exactly the way you expect. Other times, well, you've kind of sealed your own fate. Either way, you have to trust that whatever's supposed to happen, will happen. Besides, somehow you always seem to end up with the person you're meant to be with."

wallow

"One of the most universal human experiences is feeling alone.

You'd never know it, but there's most likely tons of people feeling the exact same way.

Maybe because you're feeling abandoned.

Maybe because you realize that you aren't as self-sufficient as you thought.

Maybe because you know you should've handled something differently.

Or maybe because you aren't as good as you thought you were.

Either way, when you hit that low point, you have a choice.

You can either wallow in self-pity....

...Or you can suck it up. It's your call."

next

and in a flash its all over

it may be just a 3 month store

but its packed full of stories. full of drama.

now those memories are packed into a storage unit.

both physically and mentally

never turned to booze so much to calm down after a shift.

or during.

so painful. heartbroken. stressed. tears.

yet slight moments of delight

even bliss

theres so much i want to tell you.

but never will

big pun

I'm not a player

I just crush alot

this is the theme song to this trip

the motto as of last night:

"this is a co-getsome mission"

there are no rules in this state.

girls.

snowboarding.

music.

who knows whats in store for the next few days.

minnesota returns

Always intrigued by airports.

All the people. All the stories.

Surely, its not creepy to listen in on conversations.

It is

and dont call me surely.

Ivy

Makes sense. What do you want to do with your life?

11:07pmMe

travel

smile

find "her"

Ivy

Well, I've gotten you to smile, have I not?

Me

um yeah....

but

i want to smile on my own

"Why are you so nice Veg?"

.......why indeed?

The Office - Chair Model - Video - NBC.com

http://www.nbc.com/The_Office/video/chair-model/241427/

note to self: one republic...secrets

Kele - Everything You Wanted

nomad

This nomad lifestyle is becoming very appealing to this kid.

Step one: purchase RV

Step two: purchase atlas

Step three: ?

Step four: Live. Smile.

i miss you.

How To Be Alone

If you rescue me

I’ll be your friend forever

Let me in your bed

I’ll keep you warm in winter

All the kittens are playing

they’re having such fun

I wish it could happen to me

But if you rescue me

I’ll never have to be alone again

All the cars drive do fast

And the people are mean

And sometimes it’s hard to find food

Let me into your world

I’ll keep you warm and amused

All the things we can do in the rain

If you rescue me

I’ll be your friend forever

Let me in your bed

I’ll keep you warm in winter

Oh someday I know

Someone will look into my eyes

And say: hello, you’re a very special kitten

So if you rescue me

I’ll never have to be alone again

I’ll never have to be alone again

I’ll never have to be alone again

broke

Bird Lady: That broke my heart. When the chance to be loved came along again, I ran away from it. I stopped trusting people.
Kevin McCallister: No offense, but that seems like sort of a dumb thing to do.
Bird Lady: I was afraid of getting my heart broken again. Sometimes you can trust a person, and then, when things are down, they forget about you.
Kevin McCallister: Maybe they're just too busy. Maybe they don't forget about you, but they forget to remember you. People don't mean to forget. My grandfather says if my head wasn't screwed on, I'd leave it on the school bus.
Bird Lady: I'm just afraid if I do trust someone, I'll get my heart broken.
Kevin McCallister: I understand. I had a nice pair of Rollerblades. I was afraid to wreck them, so I kept them in a box. Do you know what happened? I outgrew them. I never wore them outside. Only in my room a few times.
Bird Lady: A person's heart and feelings are very different than skates.
Kevin McCallister: They're kind of the same thing. If you won't use your heart, who cares if it gets broken? If you just keep it to yourself, maybe it'll be like my Rollerblades. When you do decide to try it, it won't be any good. You should take a chance. Got nothing to lose.
Bird Lady: Little truth in there somewhere.
Kevin McCallister: I think so. Your heart might still be broken, but it isn't gone. If it was gone, you wouldn't be so nice.
Bird Lady: Thank you. Do you know it's been a couple of years since I've talked to anybody?
Kevin McCallister: That's okay. You're good at it. You're not boring. You don't mumble or spit. You should do it more often. Just wear an outfit with no pigeon poop on it.
Bird Lady: I have been working very hard at keeping people away. I always think I'll have a lot of fun if I'm alone... but when I'm alone, it's not fun.
Kevin McCallister: I don't care how much people bug me, I'd rather be with someone than alone.
Bird Lady: So what are you doing alone on Christmas Eve? You did something wrong?
Kevin McCallister: A lot of things.
Bird Lady: Did you know that a good deed erases a bad deed?
Kevin McCallister: It's late. I don't know if I'll have enough time to do enough good deeds to erase all my bad ones.
Bird Lady: It's Christmas Eve. Good deeds count extra tonight. Think of an important thing you can do for others, and go do it. Just follow the star in your heart.
Kevin McCallister: Okay... It's getting pretty late. I'd better get going. If I don't see you, I hope everything turns out okay.
Bird Lady: Thank you.
Kevin McCallister: Tell the birds I said goodbye.

Bird Lady: I will.
Kevin McCallister: If you need somebody to trust, it can be me. I won't forget to remember you.
Bird Lady: Don't make promises you can't keep.

who would have thought Home Alone 2 could be so "deep"

a broken heart for a birthday present

i'd rather not have opened that gift

as fast as you showed up

you disappeared

i fell for you

i got scared by you

i pushed you

i regretted me

and out of nowhere

you show up

in no time

i've fallen for you

complicating situations

sing to me again

everytime

EVERYTIME i see pictures or videos of alaska i get tears in my eyes.

literally tears.

i think i'm suppose to go there.

oh you.

who are you?

No time ever seems right
To talk about the reasons why you and I fight
It's high time to draw the line
Put an end to this game before it's too late
Head games, it's you and me baby
Head games, and I can't take it anymore
Head games, I don't wanna play the...
Head games
I daydream for hours it seems
I keep thinkin' of you, yeah, thinkin' of you
These daydreams, what do they mean?
They keep haunting me, are they warning me?
Daylight turns into night
We try and find the answer but it's nowhere in sight
It's always the same and you know who's to blame
You know what I'm sayin', still we keep on playin'
Head games, that's all I get from you
Head games, and I can't take it anymore
Head games, don't wanna play the...
Head games
So near, so far away
We pass each other by 'cause we don't know what to say
It's so clear, I'm sorry to say
But if you wanna win you gotta learn how to play
Head games, always you and me, baby
Head games, 'till I can't take it anymore
Head games, instead of makin' love
Head games, ooh
Head games, always you and me, baby
Head games, 'till I can't take it anymore, no more
Head games, instead of makin' love, we play
Head game
Yep. I just quoted Foreigner.

ohhhh why did we meet?

...i hate it when people find out the real name.

get the same responses : "my sister is named cheyenne." or "my dogs name is cheyenne"

.....yay.

again

Hello Booootique

Let the drama begin.

messy

it was a first time this morning

i'd never woken up from a dream/nightmare

being so angry and having my fists clenched and tensed

its bothering me

its exhausting.

just drown the memories

hello old friend.

nice to see you again.

Charlotte Sometimes - How I Could Just Kill A Man

woe

please take me out of my body
up through the palm trees
to smell california in sweet hypocrisy
float in my senses, surround my body
i wake my nose to smell that ocean burn
so now i'm forging ahead
past all the plutocrats
who sold me out
go sob in your bed
if life is twice as pretty
once you're dead
then send me a card
i'm still the optimist, though it is hard
when all you want to be is in a dream

road

I have this fantasy of disappearing

draining the bank account

packing up the subaru

and just leaving

i think of this journey often....daily

and more recently

almost hourly

i dream of alaska

i dream of one day being happy

i dream of those memorable moments

it feels i'm at a crossroads

not toooo sure which direction to go

this anger and sadness is eating away at my insides

i'd like to not wake up in tears

i'd also not like to wake up alone

Darren Hanlon - I Wish That I Was Beautiful For You

i wish that i was good enough for you

!!

Hot in herrre

get some

adorable

no explanation really.

seriously, can we talk about this?

i gots shit to show you nigga'

on a sunday afternoon

how do normal people spend a sunny, 80 degree weather, sunday afternoon.

most likely golfing, hiking, biking, fishing or boating.

how do i spend a day as such?

i hike up sundown and play in the snow.

i feel so very used....like i was just a notch in her belt.

ugh

I got an idea: You should get a tattoo that says warning
That's all, just a warning, so the potential victim can take a left
And save breath, and avoid you, sober and upset in the morning
I wanna scream, "Fuck you Lucy!"
But the problem is I love you Lucy
So instead I'm a finish my drink and have another

i like how instead of making a packing list or organizing travel plans, etc........i make one thing priority:

plan out/ration out the ice cream til you leave

And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
And get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building.
If I only could, oh...
You don't want to hurt me,
But see how deep the bullet lies.
Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder.
There is thunder in our hearts, baby.
So much hate for the ones we love?
Tell me, we both matter, don't we?

woot woot

vegomatic

straight off the mountain to the tattoo parlour

Adorable Cooch

yupdates

April '10 First Hike of the year....Mr.Universe

drying the laundry....whilst it snowing

come back in 213 days and then you can watch this film

how random was that.

i wanted to start putting myself out there and meeting new people.

so i found an eco-friendly "green" event that needed volunteers.

within 20 minutes i was registered and on the list.

wanting to get more familiar with SLC i'm making more and more frequent trips to explore and find/meet new people/places. and somehow i knew that morning before i left, i'd see you.

when Mary told me i'd be working with Aubrie(at the gate).....i knew instantly. and there you were, riding up on your bike. at "my" gate. it was nice to see you again. it so happens that i continued seeing you later that night in my dreams, back at the event. weird.

i'm liking SLC more and more as i visit. after todays interview, and another trip tomorrow for another interview, i just may be invading the city.

last nights dream had me up at pow-mow. volunteering, serving food. i made a point of saying "i'm not getting paid for this!" rawr. i miss the snow.

Hello Slug magazine.

blah

someone just exclaimed:

"you're still waiting for her!...its been a month"

well its been over two months.

i think i care too much. or i always hold out....hoping.

just to get a kick in the face.

blahhh

annnnd Gaga just came on. i cant think of the last time i actually sprinted to the tv.

ugh.

i went to sleep so sad.

and then i was snowboarding.

just at sundown, but i hiked up. no one around. deep snow. then all of a sudden appeared other people hiking up. i dropped in, effortlessly carving. spinning off everything and anything. spinning off that stepup jump, landing on my bum and laughing so hard. and then just getting up and riding away unphased.

i'm happy in my dreams.

You're headed for self destruction

been there.....did that
kick back with the wrong angel to fuck with
Carve my charm into your arms
Fuck around, unravel this tall ball of yarn

small discoveries

it takes a few days away from "home" to see things a little clearer
i've spent so much of my energy trying to get you to notice me
and seeing its quite useless despite the feelings i have toward you
i've put myself through sooo much hurt and anger and jealousy and i'm tired
i like that you call me and pretend to be interested

learned there are other beverages outside the typical that i have come to enjoy
the town seems to be growing smaller
or am i just getting fatter?

the travel bug is once again infecting me.
....sure are alot of babies in this airport.
humans are weird.

bells

......with this ring i thy...WHOAAaaaa..

today was the date

alot has changed in the past year.

how weird would it be though.

meanwhile i'm sitting in the denver airport

people watching

thinking

contemplating

"The ones who are hardest to love are usually the ones who need it the most."

done.

done with it.

tired of the tears.

tired of the mental game you play

tired of the "payback" you are piling on me

tired of drinking myself to sleep

tired of the 1am wakeup calls

tired of the 3am wakeup to nobody

tired of you not noticing

tired of...ugh...alot

done with it.

i say this now
....but with one wave or wink....i'd fall for you again.

DPP

its the small things that put a smile on my face
despite the glue like condition of the snow today
its always a relief and and happy to be back on the snow
then i return to my little abode
and my mind returns to chaos
note to self: just find year round snow

and i still smell like a campfire.

returning

booked to visit minnesota again.

never know how to feel when i go back. and now i go back to an empty house. an empty town.

always hoping/wishing i didnt have to go back alone.....i'll keep hoping for the next time.

powmow

And now you are showing up in her dreams.....
yet shes never met you.
kinda rearrry strange.

so thats it. Pow Mow is closed and done. what happens next?
Golf course?
Australia?
maybe that concussion was a little more severe than i let on.

i never cut there before. luckily i can blame it on the cat.

......i always wonder what that letter said.

We're already bogus
We're already fading
We'll never be The Rolling Stones
I'm staying home
Dementia and senility
My failing muscles atrophy
I've lost all ability
Falling apart!

Pretty sure I'm falling apart.

Yet again at work...my vision was impaired. First it was blacking out for a few seconds. Now its full on blurry for hours at a time. I suppose the concussion didnt help a few days ago. Do I have to eat again? The chicken scratches have come out full force. Like opening the flood gates...

The heartache,...needlessly to say, hurts. The sadness.....hurts. Sleepless nights. Tears. Its exhausting. And now the season is ending...which leads to job hunting. Now I wont have anything to occupy my mind, keep it busy, instead of racing, bouncing from thought to thought.

This whole life thing is exhausting.

Losing that trust you had/have in someone, thats a punch in the....head.

Maybe utah is telling me its time to go somewhere new.

And I am done with this
I wanna taste the breeze of every great city

"they're called chicken scratches".....

huh

huh, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

its legal

pk

i'm sorry.

dont even know what these pills are.
but why not mix them with these booze.
dont even like beer, but sucking down whatever is available.
these tears are building up. soon the dam will break open.
thats three people i made cry this week.
made sure to punish myself.
havent felt this way, since the summer.
what happens next?...

starting to get to that numb feeling

beginnings

beginnings, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

my morning thoughts

his and hers

his and hers, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

(his and hers).........in that order.

Last night you showed up in my dreams again.

Thanks. Its nice to see you.

NEVER have I witnessed someone spitting in someones food, and allowing it to go out.
NEVER have I seen someone rub cheese on their feet/socks/shoes and then place it on an order.
NEVER have I been sickened by watching someone eat tainted food.
NEVER have I laughed so hard at the fact they ate the entire meal.
NEVER have I loathed someone so much.

until today.

M: theres no seatbelt here!

D: well just move a few things and use the other door

veg: ..........thats what she said

and we laughed and laughed

"why dont you just 'put out' Veg?"

....every other guy does.

rearrry?

I am holding half an acre
torn from the map of Michigan
and folded in this scrap of paper
is a land I grew in

Think of every town you've lived in
every room you lay your head
and what is it that you remember?

Do you carry every sadness with you
every hour your heart was broken
every night the fear and darkness
lay down with you

A man is walking on the highway
A woman stares out at the sea
and light is only now just breaking

So we carry every sadness with us
every hour our hearts were broken
every night the fear and darkness
lay down with us

But I am holding half an acre
torn from the map of Michigan
I am carrying this scrap of paper
that can crack the darkest sky wide open
every burden taken from me
every night my heart unfolding
my home

"so veg.....is St. Patty's day just an 'eye-gasm' day for you....ya know with the green everywhere?"...

VIRGO - The One that Waits (August 23 – September 22)
Dominant in relationships. Someone loves them right now. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. A pushover. Loves to gamble and take chances. Needs to have the last say in everything. They think they know everything and usually do. Respectful to others but you will quickly lose their respect if you do something untrustworthy towards them and never regain respect. The do not forgive and never forget. The one and only. 7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

it was a year ago today.

its sad i remember this

the beanie...the hoodie...

that look we gave each other that said: "found you"

ugh...i miss you

INFJ

INFJ

You are:
very expressed introvert
slightly expressed intuitive personality
moderately expressed feeling personality
slightly expressed judging personality

maybe just once

someone could say:

"hey, good job today."

i'll keep waiting.

You could do better, better than that
You're a fraud
Thank god you learned to keep your shirt on

heart on the sleeve

heart on the sleeve, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

another self made tattoo

Dead Puppy Posse

thanks

wait, i'm wrong
should've done better than this
please, i'll be strong
i'm finding it hard to resist

so show me what i'm looking for

save me, i'm lost
oh lord i've been waiting for you
i'll pay any cost
save me from being confused
show me what i'm looking for
show me what i'm looking for
oh lord

don't let go
i've wanted this far too long
mistakes become regrets
i've learned to love abuse
please show me what i'm looking for