i wanted you...

YOU

next to me

this conversation happened twice tonight.
two different people:

hey...were you at 'Basin last week?
...i was there awhile ago.
yeah...it was thanksgiving. i thought that was you. the cook at powder mtn.

apparently i'm getting noticed.

L.O.V.E
its a

mystery

I made a mistake and I never forgot
I tied knots in the laces of
My worried shoes
And with every step that I'd take I'd remember my mistake
As I marched further and further away
In my worried shoes
oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo
My worried shoes
And my shoes took me down a crooked path
Away from all welcome mats

...f.....
now i need a drink
and a part of me doesnt want to stop


i need "therapy"
soon

so you showed up in my dreams last night.

how this happened i dont know.

youre not even here yet:

but i came to your "welcome to utah" party.

saw you sitting on the couch with another guy...felt kinda hurt.

you didnt look into him. but yet you didnt leave him.

i pretended it didnt bother me. nice lip ring though.

my guess is youre on your way.

getting up

only to be let down

tired of being here

missing your bedroom

wake up

they tell me "erase her from your phone, your life"

i simply say....."no"

it seems as though they notice me now. all of a sudden.

....ugh. my stomach.

C: yeah i can hear that. you wanna go to Denny's?

Um...what?...no that would be spoiling me!

C: ...hmm, how is Denny's considered that?

because normally i get told "its 2am, starve bitch"

C: i'm drinking this hot chocolate to help me from falling asleep. all the sugars should help.

A: ..........what are you?...like 5 years old?!

doesnt matter how old i am, where i'm at, who i'm talking to, what i'm reading, where i'm searching, what i'm watching, there is always a part of me that misses you.

Girl talk = pillow talk

you made me melt with the ice cream...

i didnt think i would have these feelings again

then you showed up

i like you next to me

i like when you tell me stories

i like your laugh

i'm excited to see you again

(and your teeth grinding)

Helllooooo Nurse

IMGP2729, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

4am coffee with Jesus and THE nurse at Denny's
and I was going to miss it.
i'm glad i made it.

i havent touched that stuff in a long time
but there we are at work, in the secret passage
hitting it
i like how, not until i moved to utah, that i experiment/resume drugs
utah of all places.
and i'm ok with that. no excuses.

you showed up in your beanie....and i instantly melted

Come tomorrow.I'll be on my way back home.In the morning,call from a roadside telephone.One night,doesn't mean the rest of my life.If I go it's not impossible,but possible is probably wrong.So, let go because I'm afraid to try.I'll keep my hands by my side.I won't come back.I hope someday you'll understand.I want to try and make it right,but I don't know if I can.Last night,everything was right and the rain was gone.One summer's night's the only time we know.Shut your eyes,when you wake up, I'll be gone.

lint of love

lint of love, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

“Now that I have found someone, I'm feeling more alone.. than I ever have before.”

IMGP2691

IMGP2691, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

so she tells me i cross my arms alot. i say "its just a natural position"..... but i wonder if thats such a good thing.

"This can indicate that a person is putting up an unconscious barrier between themselves and others. It can also indicate that the person's arms are cold which would be clarified by rubbing the arms or huddling. When the overall situation is amicable, it can mean that a person is thinking deeply about what is being discussed. "

IMGP2650

IMGP2650, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

highlight

IMGP2675

IMGP2675, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

called me on the phone and you touched yourself. i laughed myself to sleep.

IMGP2659

IMGP2659, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

the scars.........the memories

Ipod vending machines

Really? Where am I?...when did this idea start?
How did I end up back in MN?....
...i dont see this as being a "happy" trip.
speaking of a happy trip...I'd like to purchase more mushrooms. Possibly to do them in Vegas. Whoa.
New Ink

photos on the way soon.

IMGP2631

IMGP2631, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

i left earth

IMGP2635

IMGP2635, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

mushrooms...writing

IMGP2636

IMGP2636, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

my night on mushrooms....writing with my eyes closed

in the bathroom...

in the bathroom..., originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

Apparently there are photos/video of me dancing on the piano at the bar.....i would like to see these

sureeee

sureeee, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

happy birthday

happy birthday, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

happy birthday veg

happy birthday veg, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

twenty seven efff'in years old today.
how i manage to last this long....i dont know.
why i'm still here....i dont know.
i was hoping to not wake up today.... like everyother day.

she texted me a lot yesterday...ugh. luckily i didnt tear into her much like i wanted to. Kris stopped me and said, dont reply. its what she wants. its just another game she is playing with you. i'm glad i listened to her. (thanks)
she called me a penpal...."a bad penpal"....really?...all i am is a fucking penpal to you. awesome.
this whole "me being too nice" thing wont last much longer. get your stuff out.
give me my money back. and my green shirt.
thanks.
thanks for the scars.


i've made an appointment to get a professional scar of sorts. i hope its colourful.

i thought this was suppose to get easier with time. its not.

i'm debating whether to start drinking at midnight tonight, pop the pills, and hopefully never wake up again. i'm ready to go.

thanks for the scars

Highlights/lowlights from the weekend:

-i dont know how many times i was asked this past week, up at POW MOW, "so did you get married?"...ugh....
-i gave my number to a girl....but she hasnt called =(
-a random lady walked up to me and said "Veg?!?....we were just talking about you. So this is you. Glad to meet you. I hear youre cool.....cool as a cucumber." Is that a good thing?
-"you look/seem like the most laidback cook i've ever seen"
-Working 7am-8pm
-getting the cash Bonu$
-interview with Outside Magazine
-the bet has been made to see how long i can go, without shaving my face. will a beard happen?


...ugh. why cant she get the rest of her stuff out?...why is she dragging this out?...making it harder than it already is?

back to POW MOW this week.
soooo strange to be back. still havent made up my mind 100% if i want to return.
vail still calls me....and i miss the atmosphere, and friends i made, there. and Northwoods.

the halloween store though....is turning into a damn funny job. today my job was to construct a "cubby" to hide all the extra masks, behind the sales counter. so in my head i heard...."go sort through the boxes, find bad ones, make a castle while youre over there, come back and build a storage space here." so needless to say the castle has started.

then there are the : take-as-much-time-as-you need lunchbreaks, the rubberband fights, the sword fights, the costume fashion shows, dressing/posing the mannequins in naughty ways.

i enjoy it.
so now its back to a week at powder. i think this will decide if i return for winter or not.

lost

lost, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

soo...she was suppose to move all her stuff out over the weekend. and thats why i ASKED to work both days. i still came home to find her stuff untouched. monday though, she moved the majority of it out. still leaving her bed. why drag this out?

but at the same time...i'm lost....i wasnt ready for this after all.

IMGP2602

IMGP2602, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

IMGP2572

IMGP2572, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

IMGP2568

IMGP2568, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

share the love

share the love, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

snowbum

snowbum, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

in my yoga/zen books it suggests, that when breathing, to block out thoughts and focus on one word, one picture. i have always pictured this statue. i remember sitting on the bus, going to work in vail, every morning, listening to sigur ros and breathing.

i still do it today. makes me smile.

Warped Highlights:

Frrreeeee Tickets!
Hooking up a stranger with a free ticket
Meeting a monk.....talking without talking
The Questions: Are you playing here?...You wanna hit this?....Where did you get your shoes?
Brokencyde...soo wrong...but oh so funny.
The entire NOFX set
Seeing Powder People
Being told...."Minneeesooota Niiiiceee"
The fact I could wear a beanie all day, and not be sweating my bawls off
Whoever the girl was that decided to dance up on me at Brokencyde....ugh



i woke up sunday morning to scratching at my door. and i whispered to myself, "no 'f-ing way".....but then i heard it again. and zoom....i was at the door. but nobody was there. where are you? you torture me still. yeah i do it to myself, but youre still here. i still see you. how much longer can i do this? i want you back. deal with it. and i wont give up. and i may just have to walk away.

Day after...the healing begins

Day after...the healing begins, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

washed and yeah it looks a little sketchy....but I DID IT

Self Ink !

Self Ink !, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

The night of.

First tattoo on myself.....I plan for more. Wayyy rad to actually tattoo yourself.

Warped Tour weekend!

....wahooooo

.Stories to follow.

Robyn said to me...."you're mumbling again.....and are you mumbling in Spanish?!"
hehehehe...funniest thing i heard all day.

and they gave me a new nickname at work: Crafty



Ugh....i woke up gasping for breath the other night, due to my dream. "youre dickhead friend" was riding the school bus with me super late at night. and i had my laundry there, and was hanging it up over all the seats. he just glared at me the entire time. and i got off at my stop, the farm in minnesota, and he decided to get off as well. then proceeded to chase me. thats when i woke up...a little freaked out.

everynight youre involved in my dreams, somehow.
when are you going to ever see me, notice me.
i think i'm almost ready to let go......=(

IMGP2533

IMGP2533, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

IMGP2542

IMGP2542, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

in just 5 seconds of seeing her, this is what happens. is this normal?

IMGP2530

IMGP2530, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

ugh...
i'm sick of feeling like this
i'm sick of looking at your stuff, its taking up the entire boardroom
move it out
i'm not a fuckin' storage unit
i'm only going to be nice for a little longer

you just dont get it.....

she didnt come down.
how old are you?
awesome.
thanks

waynes world on repeat

i see her for the first time today....

and this is all that is repeating in my head....from waynes world. does the boy ever get the girl back in real life? i hope so. i used nice smelling conditioner in my hair today, found a nice blue shirt, and even splashed on some cologne....ugh.

(even cut my nose hairs....blahhh....)

090728_170509

090728_170509, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

i was in Michaels and saw this poster thing.
and it reminded me of the tattoo

it has the psalms 124 :7 verse on it

so i vote for the Faith tattoo

the sleeve tattoo is now in the serious design phase

watch out...

dinner

dinner, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

delicious




give me a break....

dinner

dinner, originally uploaded by lobster_editor.

i couldnt stop laughing....
as i made a pizza(from scratch) using string cheese

sooo sad

so i wanted to learn a new song(to play drums on)
and who do i pick....

Lady Gaga
"Pokerface"

double bass and all

i wonder what kind of faces i make

i hate waking up without you by my side
my heart hasnt figured it out yet nor has my mind i hate this divorce tooo much tooo soon
i get that so take a step back and take my hand its there for you i want to hold your hand
i want to feel your breath on my neck i lay there wishing you would just hear me to just look at your eyes
you just walked away why? come over secretly i leave the door open everynight just in case you come scratching
you are not just another girl you are the girl deal with it
this will take me a long time there is so much yet to see
i remember it vividly love i've been walking erect since the moment we met

if you rescue me

i'll be your friend forever

let me in your bed

i'll keep you warm in winter

all the kittens are playing

and they're having such fun

i wish it could happen to me

but if you rescue me

i'll be your friend forever

Halloween Hookup

so i start Saturday.
building a "store" from the floor up
who cares if i am paid a crap wage
i have a fun job instead of a lame office job

"they" say to not wear costumes while we work
*F* that....
let the imagination run wild

Sucker love is heaven sent.

You pucker up, our passion's spent.

My hearts a tart, your body's rent.

My body's broken, yours is bent.

Carve your name into my arm.

Instead of stressed, I lie here charmed.

Cuz there's nothing else to do

Every me and every you.

Your result for The Lover Style Profile Test...

The Surprising Lover

59% partner focus, 24% aggressiveness, 70% adventurousness

Based on the results of this test, it is highly likely that:

You prefer your romance and love to wild and daring rather than typical or boring, you would rather be pursued than do the pursuing and, when it comes to physical love, your satisfaction comes more from providing a wonderful time to your partner than simply seeking your own.

This places you in the Lover Style of: The Surprising Lover.

The Surprising Lover is a wonderful Lover Style, and, like the name implies, is often filled with hidden delights and talents that might not be apparent from a surface knowledge of the person. The Surprising Lover is rather like a geode--sometimes rough on the exterior, but filled with beauty and wonder. The Surprising Lover is thus a gem to find, though it can sometimes be difficult to do so because they often tend to be humble and unwilling to reveal their inner greatness unless they're in a rewarding relationship.

In terms of physical love, the Surprising Lover really shines, often highly imaginative and utterly devoted to bringing the heights of pleasure to the one that they truly love. Given a rewarding, reciprocative relationship, and the right lover, the Surprising Lover can be a delight in bed.

Best Compatibility can probably be found with: The Carnal Lover (most of all) or the Exotic Lover, or the Suave Lover.

Congratulations!

what you seek is right in front of you stop being stubborn

the winters so cold summers over too soon
lets pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow
and ive got some friends some that i hardly know
weve had some times i wouldn't trade for the world
we chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go
we live on front porches and swing life away
we get by just fine here on minimum wage
if love is a labor ill slave til the end
i wont cross these streets until you hold my hand

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1GyJpnTN1I

Don't pretend you're someone you're not, because after a while you forget you were acting, and so will everyone else.

Religion is flawed because man is flawed.

you cant fail if you dont give up

new shirt design...