small discoveries

it takes a few days away from "home" to see things a little clearer
i've spent so much of my energy trying to get you to notice me
and seeing its quite useless despite the feelings i have toward you
i've put myself through sooo much hurt and anger and jealousy and i'm tired
i like that you call me and pretend to be interested

learned there are other beverages outside the typical that i have come to enjoy
the town seems to be growing smaller
or am i just getting fatter?

the travel bug is once again infecting me.
....sure are alot of babies in this airport.
humans are weird.

bells

......with this ring i thy...WHOAAaaaa..

today was the date

alot has changed in the past year.

how weird would it be though.

meanwhile i'm sitting in the denver airport

people watching

thinking

contemplating

"The ones who are hardest to love are usually the ones who need it the most."

done.

done with it.

tired of the tears.

tired of the mental game you play

tired of the "payback" you are piling on me

tired of drinking myself to sleep

tired of the 1am wakeup calls

tired of the 3am wakeup to nobody

tired of you not noticing

tired of...ugh...alot

done with it.

i say this now
....but with one wave or wink....i'd fall for you again.

DPP

its the small things that put a smile on my face
despite the glue like condition of the snow today
its always a relief and and happy to be back on the snow
then i return to my little abode
and my mind returns to chaos
note to self: just find year round snow

and i still smell like a campfire.

returning

booked to visit minnesota again.

never know how to feel when i go back. and now i go back to an empty house. an empty town.

always hoping/wishing i didnt have to go back alone.....i'll keep hoping for the next time.

powmow

And now you are showing up in her dreams.....
yet shes never met you.
kinda rearrry strange.

so thats it. Pow Mow is closed and done. what happens next?
Golf course?
Australia?
maybe that concussion was a little more severe than i let on.

i never cut there before. luckily i can blame it on the cat.

......i always wonder what that letter said.

We're already bogus
We're already fading
We'll never be The Rolling Stones
I'm staying home
Dementia and senility
My failing muscles atrophy
I've lost all ability
Falling apart!

Pretty sure I'm falling apart.

Yet again at work...my vision was impaired. First it was blacking out for a few seconds. Now its full on blurry for hours at a time. I suppose the concussion didnt help a few days ago. Do I have to eat again? The chicken scratches have come out full force. Like opening the flood gates...

The heartache,...needlessly to say, hurts. The sadness.....hurts. Sleepless nights. Tears. Its exhausting. And now the season is ending...which leads to job hunting. Now I wont have anything to occupy my mind, keep it busy, instead of racing, bouncing from thought to thought.

This whole life thing is exhausting.

Losing that trust you had/have in someone, thats a punch in the....head.

Maybe utah is telling me its time to go somewhere new.

And I am done with this
I wanna taste the breeze of every great city